Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt.

I remember the days I spent questioning myself, thinking if I'm enough, if what I'm doing is enough, thinking why do I pour so much out, and get nothing in return?
I guess I can't expect things in return. That would be selfish. But can't I grieve about it?
On one hand, I feel alone without external affirmations, and on the other hand, I know I shouldn't be dependent on external affirmations to feel whole. But can't I just grieve about it?
I guess there comes a price to growing, to self-actualization. There comes a point in time when you realize it's much easier to just be a little less aware, and just be irrational about things. I guess, to grow, is to purposefully take the tough path of accepting the hard truths and sticking to it. That's how muscles grow. You tear them, and they grow stronger. I guess that's how it goes without soul and mind. You go through the pain of realizing that to be where you want to be is going to be about accepting a lot of hard truths and rewiring yourself to be the best version of yourself. I guess that's what living is. To face a truth that is difficult to swallow. Then you gotta choose if you want to swallow it, or you'd rather just survive, float around, being ignorant about what you need to do to be the best version of yourself, and just be average.
I guess you have to choose if you'd want to be just average or live knowing every part of you, being truly self-aware.
It's like getting a tattoo. You know it'll hurt, but after it's done, you'll know how much you can endure, and you'll have evolved into a more beautiful version of yourself.